Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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