You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
