and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
