Me. At least after what I've been through.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
