she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
