tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
