My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize