Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
