Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
