When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I could make wine with my vomit
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
