He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
