UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
