my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
