oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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