dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
