Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
