just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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