omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dicks are not precious.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
