Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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