I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
