In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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