WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
