i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
