omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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