i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
