I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
