I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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