moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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