You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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