I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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