i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
