is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
