There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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