Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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