and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
