i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Bring me that man meat
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
