I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
