we're blogging at a bar
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
