So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
