Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
