Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
