If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
whose parrot is this?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
