I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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