Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
