Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
