she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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