just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
