i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
