my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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