I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
