Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
