the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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