I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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