can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
